Physical Health

What is the thing that hundreds of millions of people around the world spend large quantities of their time dedicated to? What is the thing that these people are willing to pay massive amounts of money for? What is the thing that absorbs these people into a daily routine based around itself, so much that a great many of them become downright obsessed?

Porn. What a sick world we live in.

Why don't we use this time to maintain our health?

"But Man With Beard!" pipes up Mr Helpful, "I use up hours of my day with porn and I'm still perfectly healthy!"

You should seek professional aid. Anyway, if we were to go into any sort of detail about mental health you would be about as healthy as a chocolate bar with a tooth infection.

":("

I thought as such. Back to the topic, health in a physical sense is very important. Those hours you spend looking at porn could easily be spent becoming substantially more physically healthy. This could be exercising, or even something like cleaning your house, which would ultimately upgrade your hygiene. The general result of this is holding off Death (the creepy guy who always stalks you, waiting for the moment you slip up and an ABSENCE OF LIFE befalls upon you). You can't leave Life battling all by himself, because in the end he's going to get bored, sit down and lick the dirt (because he has some problems, including a severe attention disorder).

Hygiene is undoubtedly an incredibly important aspect of health. Unfortunately, there seems to be a great many people who give about as much crap to the topic as the Queen gives to her wall-paper. I often (and by often I mean almost always) refuse to share drinks with people, because I know it is not entirely hygienic. Friends of mine respond to this with claims that I am a germophobe (the dirty scumbags) and promptly attempt to drink anyway. This is only a few levels below calling me a clean freak for refusing them permission to crap in my cereal.

When a man rides an elephant, he never does so naked. Relevant? No. True? Not likely.

Hygiene is something that should be taken with care. When simple things like sharing too many drinks and crapping in cereal is avoided, you'll be as clean as tooth-paste in a bucket of chlorine. If you do share drinks, then you're going to die very shortly.

Also, to keep Death at bay, the food you eat should be healthy, moderated and ultimately digestible. If the food eats you, you've been eating the wrong food and should seek professional help. Food is by far one of the most important aspects of Life and Life is the most important important aspect of Existence, therefore food is one of the most important aspects of Existence. This conclusion leads us nowhere, except confirms that eating lots of food will prevent UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION.

In The End, it is quite clear that there is one quote that sums up health:

My SECRET TIP FOR LIFE is:

Needs more orange juice. God help us it does.